


How I Say I Love You

by Mysana



Series: Marvel Short Fics [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, One Shot, POV Howard Stark, Platonic Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 17:26:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8169919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysana/pseuds/Mysana
Summary: Howard never learned how to say, "I love you." So he tries to say it using actions. Soulmate AU





	

Howard never meant to be cold to Anthony, his only son, his greatest achievement, the person Howard loves most in all the world.  When Anthony was born, Howard wasn’t there. He instead, was in his workshop creating a new design, so he missed the only time he reasonably would have seen Anthony’s soul mark. (Howard’s soul mark of course didn’t belong to Maria. It belonged to Peggy Carter. But it had never been romantic for all of his attempts and they both knew it.) When Anthony turned one, Howard made to the party but he didn’t stay long and he didn’t actually _say_ anything to Anthony. Only when Anthony fell asleep did Howard walk into his room and look at his brilliant (beautiful, lovely, amazing, wonder of a) son. He couldn’t show to much attention to Anthony - it would only make him more of a target. For the first few years Howard actually got better though. He drank a little less, spent more time at home. For a little while. 

 

Then, on Anthony’s fifth birthday Howard got him a book on Captain America. Howard always hoped that Anthony would understand that Captain America was the greatest man Howard had ever met and made sure to tell Anthony all of the best stories. (Though, in retrospect, he always forgot to add the parts that made Captain America… _Steve…_ That made him human.) When Anthony was five he knocked on the door to his Father’s office and said, 

 

“Sir, I have the name Steven Grant Rogers on my arm and it matches Captain America’s handwriting.”

 

Anthony knows, logically, what it means. He’s a smart boys (, built his first circuit board at four). So he understands that his Father will come to his own conclusion just the way he likes. Anthony understands to provide all the evidence and wait for the verdict. But, Anthony is five, and emotionally, he knows his soulmate is _dead_ and he will be Alone _forever_. (Because at this point in his life, and indeed for much of it coming up being _Alone_ is a fate worse than death and he would do anything to avoid it.) So, Anthony goes to his Father for support because his Father is the smartest person _ever_. (Even more than _Captain America!_ ) His Father will make it all okay. 

 

Howard sits behind his desk and hears those words and for a solid minute draws a blank. 

 

After that, Howard gets worse. Sleeps less, drinks more. Is always working. Not because he’s upset his son has a man’s name, not because some small part of him insists that Steve’s _theirs._ Steve is Peggy and Howard’s. That he _doesn’t want to share_. No, Howard gets worse because he sees Anthony’s fear of being Alone. (A fear every Stark deals with, the curse of genius and the understanding that everyone has soul marks and no one wants to be with anyone other than their other half.) Howard would work himself to death to see Anthony happy, so that’s near on what he does. He funds endless expeditions searching (meanwhile accidentally advancing world technology because he wants to know when they find Steve as soon as possible, so he creates a mobile phone). Howard calls Peggy, because as much as he was around Steve, Peggy was the one who knew him properly.

 

Howard is less than a week until his death when he realises that for all he’s done to make sure that Anthony isn’t Alone. He forgot that Anthony probably would’ve liked to know his Father as well as his soulmate. Howard will call Anthony, ask to meet up. (To mend fences, he hopes.) Howard will get in a car and crash, Anthony will think he was drunk. It will take a long time before there is forgiveness. (And it’s it ironic that it’s Bucky that killed him, that Steve brings Anthony the chance to forgive his Father by blaming another?)

 

In the end, as Howard is dying in a crashed car, he will realise that Peggy was his soulmate because she knew him best. Because she will be the one who tells Anthony stories about Howard. (What he was like when he was a different, better man.) Howard will wish for another chance. Howard will thank god for Margret Carter, Steven Rogers, and Anthony Stark. Because he loves them all with the entirety of his heart. Then he will die. Everything after that is, as they say, History. 

 

Howard never meant to be cold, he just didn’t learn how to be anything else. 

**Author's Note:**

> I read a lot of Tony/Steve soul mark stories where Howard is like, homophobic and generally a dickhead. I prefer an approach that is just that Howard doesn't know how to show he cares and also. Anyway, I'm all for Accidentally-Shitty-Howard. If you do too then read my other stories in Accidentally Shitty Parenting (name may change). 
> 
> Please comment and give friendly criticism or else just something nice ;)


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